Look around and see what you’ve got going on that needs some spiffing up.

This is also a great time of year to spend a couple of evening a week working on your self-confidence and perfecting your self-hypnosis skills. I recommend Power your Self Esteem just for that purpose. You will be rewarded with a much better feeling about yourself and the world.

I never acknowledged that the reason these people were beating me was because they were simply better at the game than I was.

During one of these mouthy sessions (I was the mouthy one), a man came up to me and said, “You want to win?”

“Sure”, I said.

“I will teach you how if you do everything I tell you to do. Are you willing to do that? No questions?”

“Of course”, I said.

“Then come to my place next Saturday and we’ll get started.” he said.

“What are you going to teach me?”, I asked.

“No questions. You agreed. Stick by your word or no deal.”, he said.

“OK”, I said. I wasn’t quite that stupid. Stupid, yes. But not a screaming moron.

He did teach me. He taught me to watch, to ask questions and to understand that the reason these people were winning and I was not was because they were playing by the rules. It did not matter who made the rules. If one wanted to win, one must learn to determine what the unwritten rules were and then to follow them. Once that was accomplished and one began winning, one was then in the position to change the rules.

For me, this was huge.

Here are the principles of that lesson:
1. Play by the existing rules.
2. Become an expert on the existing rules.
3. Never forget what your goals are; what rules you want to have in play.
4. Move a position of authority and change the rules to benefit yourself.

This is the basics of politics. This is an elemental lesson. You cannot play the game if you do not know the rules. Learn the rules. Become expert at the existing rules. This puts you in a position to change the rules. Take advantage or your position and of promoting your own cause.

It’s a dog eat dog world out there.

Now, I accuse him of spoiling me for any other man. And in truth, I think he actually did. This man, even at 17 years old, treated me as if I were the most important thing in his life. Wow. You women out there. Talk to me. How many men in your lives have treated you as if you were seriously, fundamentally, emotionally the most important thing in any individual man’s life???? I challenge you –count out loud. I am betting that I am the most fortunate among you that I have even one man that made me feel like I mattered at all.

Men, what about you? How many women have made you feel that you were the be-all and end-all? Probably not many.

Let’s look at ourselves for a moment. How often have we tried to make that important other feel like they are the most important thing in our lives?

This experience of having found a lost love has been extremely educational for me on a very personal level. I never thought this level of caring and being cared for could exist. Because of that, I married the wrong people and spent a huge percent of my life in meaningless relationships.

The lesson here? Hold out for the good stuff, people. It is out there. Make the effort to make the other person in your life be the most important thing in your life. If it is the right person, your efforts will pay off big time.

Why is this strange? First of all, I cannot recall why we quit seeing each other. Neither can he. Secondly, I haven’t seen this guy in over forty years. Yeah. FORTY. Third, it’s almost as if we were never apart. We picked up the conversation where it left off last time we parted. It’s all very weird.

But the effect this experience is having on me is weird as well. I keep telling myself all the negative and bad things: He can’t be as sweet as he seems — it’s just a put-on. He won’t be the sweet, quiet guy I knew before — life will have soured him. And blah blah blah

Before there is anything to even have to make a decision about, I’m making all these excuses about why the whole thing won’t work. Already I’m putting up walls to make sure that even if there were a chance that we got together, it will fail.

Why am I doing this? Because I’ve done it all my life — and old, old habits are had to break. So know what? I’m giving myself the talk I usually give to you guys.

Dear me:
Knock it off. Negative thoughts begone. Don’t anticipate disappointment. Be brave. Take life by the horns. No guts, no glory. You’re tough and you know it. You’re already sniveling and there’s nothing to gain but a new (-ish) friendship with someone you really like. Or at least probably like. Accept this good thing. Revel in it. Good grief…someone remembered you after forty years.

I just realized — the problem is that I’m in shock that someone, anyone, remembered me at all.

Life is an ever-changing kaleidescope of surprises.

With spring, most of us feel pretty good. It’s a time of renewal and new things. The world is fresh and hope abounds. It’s also a time to use that lifting of the spirit to forge ahead to establish new habits. Somehow, it seems a little easier to get to the gym, get out and walk or to do a little work in the yard. So take advantage. Get started on a new track toward staying better come fall and winter.

How? you ask. Admire yourself. Even if the task at hand is small, tell yourself what a good job you did. Even if it’s as small a thing a just feeling better today.

I have a large back yard. Last weekend, I dug out the bermuda grass around some sprouting flowers and mulched it down. When I stood up to admire my work, I realized this one only two square feet in a large yard. There was an awful lot that didn’t get touched. It seemed rather insignificant. But I had to stop myself and get my little reward for doing such a great job in the one little spot and to visualize how great that one spot (at least) is going to look when those flowers start blooming.

It’s the little, tiny things that add up. You think I’m wacko, but it’s a fact. I think it’s a combination of self-acknowledgment for a job well done, being ok with something tangible even though it’s small, and taking one small step to creating a new habit of patting yourself on the back.

It all matters. You matter. You are deserving of it.

It’s almost like finding a $5 bill in your pants pocket that you didn’t know was there.

So, I’ve put post-it notes on my bathroom mirror, on the dashboard of my car and on the front of the frig that say “run in place”, “swing your arms” and “dance to the music”. For me, this really helps to remind me to keep moving and keeps me focused on getting rid of those pounds.

And it’s working. I’ve lost a couple of pounds and over the next few weeks, I will probably be back down to where I want to be.

Notice, however, that I haven’t put up any fat pictures or any kind of note that is negative. Neutral, maybe, but not negative. I have to simply remind myself that my reward for NOT eating that Twinkie is getting back into my skinny pants.

The lesson here? Don’t beat yourself up. Keep looking forward. You’ve beaten yourself up enough or you wouldn’t be where you are. I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t let my winter doldrums take over.

A long time ago, a thought really helped me fight out of a deep depression: I realized that even if I didn’t think I was worth the oxygen I use, there were a lot of people that depended on me — my daughter, my co-workers, my parents. If I did not take care of myself, I was not only letting them down, but I was putting a burden on them that I did not want them to bear.

See? Guilt can be handy.

I was thinking about this yesterday. It snowed about 14″. I hate snow. I hate cold. I was supposed to work Saturday and didn’t go in because of the snow. I would have had to shovel the snow out from around the gate to even get out to the dirt road that leads to the paved road. (Are you listening to this? I’m whining up a storm.)

Do you really care about my snow situation? Twenty bucks says you could care less. You are busy whining about your own situation. Am I right? Ha! Fork over the twenty whiny pants.

No one except you cares about your puny problems, your zits, your boring life or anything else except them. Them, them, them.

Want to impress someone and REALLY get their attention? Ask them something personal. “Did your husband enjoy that conference last week? Did you miss him a bunch?” “Those are gorgeous shoes. How do you find time to shop for something so perfect?” “Are your dogs enjoying the snow?” “Did your daughter’s soccer team make it to the finals?”

Questions like this tell the person you are talking to that
1. You LISTEN when they tell you about themselves
2. You CARE about their lives
3. You take time for them

Try it. You’ll make a friend for sure. And by actually listening when people tell you about themselves, you will find your own problems and crap in your life drifting away into insignificance. Because, face it, other people’s lives are way more interesting than our own.

Not all people, and that includes parents, have the necessary tools to cope with life as effectively as might be possible. For you, however, tomorrow is a new day.  By that I mean that if you can recognize that your tool set is lacking some important elements, you need to find and start using those tools to build your life the way you want your life to be. There are many packages and programs available on-line to give you those tools.

Think about people that are wealthy. Many are wealthy only because their parents were wealthy. But what wealthy parents teach their children is much about maintaining that wealth and managing the family money. My parents were not wealthy and — guess what — they taught me squat about managing money. I had to learn it on my own. And I made it a point to learn it because I did not want to go through life being as poor as my parents were. This is a tool that I put in my tool box.

Approach learning how to manage your life in the same way. You may want to be more comfortable socially,  be less self-conscious or be able to speak to an audience. Maybe you are overcome with depression and feeling hopeless.  Look on-line or at http://hypnosis-self-esteem.com to start equipping yourself with the tools you need.

Your spouse tells you all the time how worthless you are. Your job is awful. Your kids are disrespectful. In general, you feel like you are a total loss. Every day is either painful or just a misery. What can you possibly do to get yourself out of this mess?

First, be assured that there is help. Your mind is so twisted up with thoughts like “What can I do?” “Why can’t I do anything right?” “No one understands.” that you can’t concentrate on anything and everything seems like a dead end. Start limiting your exposure to negativity. This might seem difficult when a spouse is determined to keep bashing you. In that case, do the best you can to simply get out of the room. If you just can’t without starting a fight (which is pointless), start looking carefully at the person who is doing the ragging. Despite any other appearances, this person is feeling worthless themselves and blaming you for their problems. No one is responsible for their problems except themselves. This goes for you, too. You can’t help the other person but you can help yourself.

The next step is to replace the negative mind chatter with positive mind chatter. If you can’t afford or don’t trust a packaged course, get a book on relaxation techniques. The relaxation techniques will help to get your mind into a starting position to more you forward in a positive way.

Even though you hate your job and find it pointless, while at work, remind yourself that what you do at work helps people in some way. Your job is necessary or there would not be a job for it. Not even a CEO of a huge company can make a difference without the support and dedication of his entire staff — you are a part of that.  If you really want a new job, start writing down how your current job qualifies you for a better job. Here are some examples:

Let’s say you are a janitor at a middle school and you would like to work in an auto repair shop. How do the skills you have currently translate into a job in an auto repair center?

1.  You get your tasks done every day. You show up at work every day. (You are dependable and work well without a lot of supervision.)

2. You take pride in your work and make sure that everything is clean. (You pay attention to details and make sure you deliver quality.)

3. You clean up spills and other hazards quickly and keep your eyes open for other potential hazards. (Maintaining a safe work environment is important in any job.)

What I’m describing here is that even though the current job duties won’t qualify you for a job as a executive, these skills will qualify you for a job as an autoshop parts cleaner or general maintenance. Once in an autoshop, many other opportunities are available.

This is the power of thinking positively, truthfully assessing your current situation, creating workable tasks that move you toward a goal and breaking you out of a negative state of mind. Changing your situation takes a little time and with the right mindset, it will happen.